For The Monkey

Song: Line by Line – PREP

Interesting tale here.

In recent weeks I have been searching for a new living situation that is closer to my office, and the beach. A couple of hostels have offered me some discounted deals if I agree to pay 1 month in advance. They cost about 1 million Rupiah ($71 USD) more a month than my place in Renon right now but would bring convenience to a few areas of my life that my current residence does not.

  1. I have no doubt that these places would come with a GOD DAMN COVER on the bed. Seems like an obvious pleasantry but I am from the US, where everything seems to be handed to you in a gift basket with a bow and a handful of Johnson’s baby powder for your sweet baby bottom.
  2. Where I live now is about a 4 km walk from my office. To me, that’s nothing. However, if you spend 5 minutes on the road, you will see a rendition of Fast and The Furious but instead of Vin Diesel and the gang, it’s like a bunch of Lindsay Lohans with no road rule system to govern them. Did I mention that there is a massive lack of sidewalks and road structure as a whole? All this combined makes a walk to work a 50/50 shot on making it alive. I could get a bike myself but then we’re all fucked. In conclusion, being within walking distance would be safer for all parties involved and I wouldn’t have to spend money every time I want to get to work safely.
  3. If you have no experience in hostels, then you need to get out of the resort life and start doing some real traveling. If you have stayed in one of these, you would know that all utilities, including Wifi, are included.

All of this being said, I decided to take a look at Renon a little more closely to make sure that I do my due diligence before making a rash decision and paying more than I need to. Every day this week I have gotten out of bed around 6:30 and walked a few kms in each direction. I wish I had my boy Bune Jug here to neck me because I have definitely judged this place too early.

In my 2-3 hour walks this week I have discovered a plethora of eateries that make daddy salivate just looking at. I found the laundry spot, Universal Fresh, just a block down the street. And last but not least, I found a more than sufficient weight room tucked away in the neighborhood right across the street from me. 90.000 Rupiah ($6.39 USD) per month you say? You had me at hello. It’s only a bonus that almost no one else goes there and they blare rave house music with no commercials. The sigh of relief? Oh yeah. That comes from the amount of money I will save on all of this because these amenities will cost you more than Abraham if you want to live over in the tourist area. All of that said, there is something else.

I was walking home from the gym yesterday and something strange happened. The path is mostly alleyways filled with smiling faces and dogs that don’t do much to bother you during the day time. I was just strolling along like a good lad when I felt something grab at my left foot. After taking a few more steps, I lifted my shades and looked back to see a FUCKING MONKEY eating a lemon…in the middle of a neighborhood.

This little bastard was trying to steal my sandal. I read before I came here that monkeys in Bali know what is valuable and will take it only to trade you your own shit for food. I did not stop to take a picture of this thing because I am living on Airplane Mode and being so detached from my phone, my first thought was not “so many effin likes.” But I can tell you it looked something like this:

Instead, I did what most college males do after a drunken night of unprotected sex. I hit the internet for the next 2 hours, but instead of Googling what herpes looks like, I was looking for how rabies is transferred and if I had just picked up aids from this thing. After sufficient research, I do not have either.

In conclusion, I have decided to stay in Renon. Not only for the obvious economical reasons, but for the monkey. For the monkey.

This blog is sponsored by Airplane Mode.


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